The Impossibility of Life
Last Sunday morning started out pretty normal. I called the kids I pick up for church to make sure they were awake and had at least started getting ready before I got to their house and then I drove around the city picking them up. When I got to one house, they were not quite ready. Which is normal, and not really a problem. About ten minutes later, As we were climbing into the car the mother yelled out the third story window for me to wait. She reminded me that she needed help paying a bill so I asked her to come down and give me the details of the bill.
I told the kids to buckle up as I walked back into the house. A few moments later the mother stood next to me, bill in hand, and tears forming in her eyes. I asked how much the bill was for and she just handed it to me. It was over $2,000. I asked her how on earth she had let this bill get that high and she said she did not know. She just kept repeating over and over again that she needed help. I was standing there again, in a ‘place’ I’ve stood five hundred times before. A place where I look at what some asks from me and I am so fully aware of how much I cannot do what they ask.
I honestly don’t know how this problem will be resolved, but I’ve seen many work out and I am confident that God will give wisdom and grace in the midst of this one too. But I must admit, that I love the impossibility of my life. I am so eternally grateful that God has put me in a place where pretty much daily I am faced with problems way beyond my ability. Because you see they keep me humble, and they keep me honest, and they keep me hungry. Because If I ever get to a place in life where I actually think I am capable of accomplishing what is in front of me to do, then I don’t need my Jesus. I am so glad that He commits me to things impossible for me, for He knows that I am prideful enough to think I am okay without Him, if I am not in desperate need of Him.
Gilbert
Today I read part of the newspaper from last week. I do not usually read the newspaper very often, especially not in paper form, but today I did. My new acquaintance Gilbert gave it to me.
I met him last Saturday morning when I was going through the McDonald’s drive through early in the morning. I had only slept about two hours so far that night, but I had to get up and drive one of the guys I know from his house on the Westside to meet up with his AAU team on the Eastside so he could go to his tournament. I picked up my very excited 13-year-old friend and he convinced me that he really needed to eat something before getting dropped off. I agreed pretty easily so we pulled into the McDonald’s by his house. There was an older gentleman standing right at the edge of the drive through with his newspaper in a gray, plastic bag. I knew before I pulled up that he would ask me for money, and I must admit that I think people who beg at drive through windows are absolutely brilliant!
I was right about him, but I couldn’t give him my $10 cause I had to buy breakfast for the kid with me. I told the man if he met me at the end of the drive through I could help him out. I ordered and pulled around. There he was, standing at the end, leaning against the railing with his newspaper. I gave him $5 and before he looked at how much it was he handed me his newspaper in the plastic bag. I took it and thanked him and asked him his name. It’s Gilbert. Then he looked at the money and got a huge smile on his face and with a bit of disbelief in his voice he said, “Did you give me five dollars so that I could buy some breakfast?” I told him that I did. Upon thanking me, he promptly walked straight inside to buy himself some breakfast.
He was a super nice man, and I really enjoyed meeting him, but it wasn’t until two days later that he really made me laugh. Perhaps I didn’t realize it when it had happened because I had been so tired, but I glanced at the paper on my bedroom floor two days later and realized it was in a plastic bag which means he hadn’t bought it from one of the street sellers, he had taken it out of someone’s front yard. And so tonight I am reading someone else’s newspaper, and praying that Gilbert is not hungry, wherever he may be.
They Just Gave
So I’ve got this one boy who has taken to calling me every afternoon somewhere between 3-12 times. I answer it almost every time he calls, mostly he just wants to know where I am and if he can join me and if I still remembered what time I’m picking him up. Today he called me three times when I was just minutes from picking him up and since I was driving I was honestly trying to not answer my phone, but on the third call I did. I was thinking to myself, what on earth does he possibly have left to tell me? Then when I answered he asked, “Miss Mary, I was just wondering if you wanted me to buy you a drink from the store before you got here?” Immediately I felt so bad that I’d been frustrated. Here he was just trying to be amazingly nice to me and I was just trying not to answer the phone.
A few moments later he climbed into my car asking why my car had been in the shop today. (He knew it had been because he missed the bus this morning and had called for a ride to school, but I had already dropped my car off so I couldn’t give him one) I explained how it had 3 oil leaks in the engine that I kind of had to get fixed. The bill was sitting right next to him so he picked it up and looked at it. Shocked he said, “Miss Mary, you had to pay that much money to get it fixed!?!” I told him I did, but I also told him it was okay because just after I found out I had the engine leak someone sent me some money and told me that I could use it to take care of any needs I might have. Looking at me he smiled and said, “That’s why everybody just loves you Miss Mary.”
We drove to a basketball court further down on the Westside to pick up his cousin and as soon as his cousin got in the car my friend asked, “Would you ever just give $______ to someone?” An adamant, “NO!” was his cousin’s response. My friend said, “well someone just did that for Miss Mary. They just gave her that much money and they did it because she’s just always helping other people out.” I knew I had their full attention so I told them how I used to work at a school and make enough money to take care of myself. Then I felt like God told me to just take care of other people and not worry about making a lot of money. That He has made a promise to me when I stopped teaching that if I would give away everything He told me to give away that he would always provide for me. And He always has.
They were amazed. Amazed that other people would give so generously to me. Yet still somehow, even though they know very little about the Bible, understood how the economy of heaven worked. My one kid knew that people took care of me because I took care of other people. He might not be able to give you a scripture to back it up, but he understands that we are all called to give and if we will give what we have God will not fail to take care of us as well.
Her Heart is Calling
One day earlier this week I spent the majority of the day with a woman that I know. She had lost her welfare check and needed to enroll in a four week program that would require over 100 hours of her time. She did not remember that we were supposed to go in on Monday so she asked me to come back on Tuesday. She forgot Tuesday morning as well, but I called her ten minutes before getting to her house and she decided she would get up and come. We showed up late, she had lost the paperwork they had given her the week before, she did not understand any of the instructions, she could not fill out her new paperwork on her own. I sat next to her for over an hour helping her answer all of the questions on the forms. She even asked me if she was African-American. My hope for her was that she could complete this program. However, what seemed to be the glaring reality in the moment was that she couldn’t even enroll herself on her own how could she ever met the obligations of the program? After spending five hours with her I dropped her off at her home, drove to a parking lot and sat there for over twenty minutes.
I love this woman so much… There was not ever even a moment when I questioned if what I was doing was worth it. There was never a moment when I doubted that she was worth my time. I knew that most likely I would spend my entire day enrolling her in a program that she would never go back to and it was my joy and honor to do so. I would do it all again tomorrow with no hesitation. God has been teaching me that lesson for many years. We do not get to decide that someone is not worth us loving them because Jesus died for an entire world, regardless of whether or not everyone would say yes to Him. When He did that He took away our right to decide that someone was not worth dying for.
I sat in that parking lot thinking and crying for a very different reason… I knew that for as much as I love her and for as much as I would do anything to show her the love of God she will have to choose Him, and the thought of her having to make a reasonable decision just seemed so far out of her grasp. I had to come to terms again with the reality that God is so much bigger than the obstacles in front of people. That truly my friend’s entire life is in His hands and He is able to break through. That though her mind is completely blown and irrational her heart is still calling, and He will respond to that cry. It does not matter how many years of damage drug use has done to her body and her mind she is not beyond Him. And though I have no brilliant answers as to how to move forward from here, I know He does. That if there is even the smallest willingness in her He will move on her behalf and do things that are impossible for us.
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